Week 5 Story: The Baby Mouse
One Autumn day the sun rose above the great oak trees to reveal a wooden cabin set brilliantly within the forest. An old lady, the kind who weaves her own clothes and stirs her own stew, occupies the establishment by her lonesome. Right below her feet lives a mommy mouse and a baby mouse who use the cabin as their shelter. The two of them rely on each other, they live day by day and meal by meal.
Each morning, mommy mouse gave baby mouse an errand to run so that they would be able to eat supper that night. This morning baby mouse was told to go out and find some berries and wash them in the river before returning home. So baby mouse set out on his adventure. He jumped over sticks and slid under leaves as his little heart was pounding out of his little chest. Finally, baby mouse found a berry bush that was lush with bright red berries and went on his way to the river that runs right by the cabin. Baby mouse arrived at the river and began to wash the berries when he was approached by an unwelcome visitor.
A long, scaly, slithering snake swam through the river and snatched the berries right up. Baby mouse yelled as loudly as he could at the snake asking for him to return the berries so that he and his mother could survive another night. The snake pondered his request and showed sympathy for the poor baby mouses situation and asked just one thing in order to give the berries back. The snake wanted a straw hat so that he could impress all the lady snakes down at the tavern around the bend of the river. The baby mouse had no choice but to agree to this request and set off to the only place he knew that might have straw hats, the barn upon the hill.
Baby mouse arrived at the barn and found a great big Clydesdale horse who ironically enough was weaving a tiny straw hat, the size that would perfectly fit a snake, within her stable. Baby mouse timidly approached the horse and asked if he could have the hat so that he could give it to the snake who would give him the berries so that he and his mom could have supper. The horse felt for baby mouse and said that she would give him the hat if he got her a toothbrush so that her breath would not smell while she was on a date with the shetland pony from the neighboring barn. Baby mouse agreed and went to the only place that he knew a toothbrush would be, the lady's cabin in which baby mouse lives under.
he arrived at the cabin and carefully shimmied his way between the door frame and door and tiptoed his way to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the old lady was in the bathroom and the faucet was running, however, baby mouse knew that it was getting late and that his mother had to be starving so baby mouse burst through the bathroom door, up the wall, and onto the counter where he saw the toothbrush laying. He swiftly grabbed the toothbrush and ran for the front door before the old lady saw anything. Baby mouse went back to the top of the hill and exchanged the toothbrush for the tiny straw hat. He went back to the river to find the snake and exchanged the hat for his berries and went back below the cabin where his mom was waiting anxiously for her next meal and for her baby to return.
Author's Note: I took inspiration from "The Liver," which is a Turkish Fairy Tale. The original story followed a girl whose mom told her to go out and get some liver so that she could cook it and serve it for their dinner. The girl gets the liver and takes it to a pond to wash it off but a bird swoops it up and bribes the girl to get it something in return for the liver. Then the girl falls into a loop of exchanging things in order to get her liver back. So, I followed the same plot of the original story, however, I changed the main characters and made them animals and added some personal flair. I had fun coming up with the new characters and giving them each unique personality. Once again, I used my weird imagination and sense of humor to create them and bring some humor to the piece, I thought the tiny hat that the snake wanted was a funny element. Baby mouse has the kind of mindset that I hope everyone can learn from and use themselves, the kind that never stops and does not allow minor setbacks to get in the way of the ultimate goal. I hope you enjoyed it!
Bibliography: "The Liver" by from "Forty-four Turkish Fairy Tales" by Ignacz Kunos
Hey Payton! I love this story! The ending reminds me a bit of the old lady who swallowed a fly - the rhythm of the baby mouse's trades for the berries is really lovely. Also, the visual I got of the two horses going on a date was fantastic, so thank you for that. I wonder if there are any more animals he could have traded with? He might have just run out of time before dinner though, that is a lot of ground for a little mouse to cover! If you decide to do any editing, your fifth/last paragraph is missing a capital letter at the beginning.
ReplyDelete(Oh, and a snake with a tiny hat - amazing! Have you seen the pictures floating around of the frog with hats? That's where my brain went. Thank you for those mental images as well. I really did enjoy the visuals my imagination supplied for this story.)
-Eli
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI liked your retelling of The Liver. I couldn't help but laugh at the image that popped into my head of a snake trying to impress the ladies with a straw hat.
Have you considered adding names and descriptions to your story? Add names gives your characters' identities and helps the reader connect with them. By adding some descriptions, your work will be unique and interesting for the readers to see what you imagined. I hope this helps, and I can't wait to see what else you write.
Hi Payton! I had never heard of The Liver, so it was interesting to read your retelling. I think it would be helpful for the reader if you had some more small details such as character names and thoughts in order to help the reader feel more engaged and connected with the story. But your writing is great and this was a super interesting story!
ReplyDelete